Everyday Burnout Conversations
Everyday burnout conversations is an honest podcast sharing the burnout experiences of others from all walks of life. Host, Flic Taylor, is a writer whose passion for burnout arose when she became a mental health writer dealing with severe burnout - and yes, the irony is not lost on her! Enjoy these weekly conversations sharing stories of surviving and thriving, all delightfully wrapped up in epic truths, compassion, and humour.
Everyday Burnout Conversations
Josh Connolly | Transformational healing with breathwork and inner child work
In this everyday burnout conversation, I sit down to chat with Josh Connolly.
Josh and I explore breathwork's role in helping us unlock profound emotional release and gain a deeper connection with the self—all crucial steps on the path to personal growth.
Josh shines a spotlight on the relentless pursuit of fulfilment in our consumerist society, which teams with the Western world’s chase for external gratification—something that often leads us to step closer to burnout. His insights into creating a sanctuary of inner security through self-awareness and breathwork illuminate the true and urgent need for the level of self-care we ALL need as we live in this fast-paced world.
We discuss the importance of addressing the root causes of emotional avoidance and the wisdom of tuning into our body's signals. Josh helps us unwrap the intricate connections between our formative years and the patterns we carry into adulthood.
More about Josh:
Josh is a prominent mental health advocate recognised for his impactful presence in social and digital media.
He’s a certified Breathwork Coach who guides individuals to gain deeper insights into their own selves and helps them to work through the trauma of toxic parent relationships.
Josh actively conducts resilience workshops for local schools and large international corporate companies. He also serves as a passionate ambassador for Nacoa, a UK national charity dedicated to supporting children affected by their parents' alcohol consumption.
Josh has supported countless people through Inner You, a six-week online course focusing on breathwork's power. He also runs his online community group, Breathing Space.
Josh co-hosts the 115 Miles Podcast, a fortnightly podcast about life, work, culture, and the reality of living in today’s complex world.
His debut book, It’s Them, Not You, will be released with Penguin in July 2024 for the UK and August 2024 for North America. For all those who pre-order, Josh is hosting an exclusive mini-online retreat on July 14th, 2024.
Josh’s website
Josh Pre-order book link
Josh’s Instagram
Inner You program information
Josh’s link for an on-demand free breathwork for emotional release
Please note, this podcast is not intended as medical advice. If you're having a rough time or concerned that you're experiencing burnout, remember YOU matter, so please reach out to your doctor or mental health professional for support and guidance tailored for you.
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Check out my latest work and discover how you can work one-to-one with me to tackle your burnout at flictaylor.com
Hello, I'm Flick and you're listening to Everyday Burnout Conversations. This is the honest podcast that shares burnout expertise, along with the stories of others from all walks of life that strive to inspire and help you manage and avoid burnout. Now, my passion for burnout and self-care came about when I became a mental health writer who'd lost her own mental health to severe burnout and it's an irony that's not lost on me. So get set to enjoy another great conversation, delightfully wrapped up in some wisdom, humour and great storytelling. Enjoy up in some wisdom, humour and great storytelling. Enjoy In this everyday burnout conversation. I sit down to chat with Josh Connolly.
Flic Taylor :Josh is a prominent mental health advocate in the UK, recognised for his impactful presence in social and digital media. He's a certified breathwork coach who guides individuals to gain deeper insights into their own selves and helps them to work through the trauma of toxic parent relationships. Josh actively conducts resilient workshops catering from local schools to large international corporate companies. He serves as a passionate ambassador for NACOA, a UK national charity dedicated to providing support to those affected by a parent's alcohol consumption. Now Josh has supported countless people through Inner you, his six-week online course that focuses on the power of breathwork, in addition to running his online community group, the Breathing Space. Josh co-hosts the 115 Miles podcast. It's a fortnightly podcast talking about life, work, culture and the reality of living in today's complex world, and can't wait for this one. His debut book, it's them, not you, is set for release from Penguin in July 2024 for the UK and August for North America.
Flic Taylor :So join us as we delve into the transformative potential of breathwork, a practice that serves as a gateway to self-discovery and healing and, honestly, I think this is a banger of an episode.
Flic Taylor :So get set to enjoy this brilliant episode with Josh Connolly.
Flic Taylor :Oh, josh, this is such a privilege to be able to sit with you here today. You know I've actually been following your work for over a year now. Love the compassionate message you share with the world and how you really encourage people to kind of, you know, come back to themselves, delve deeper into their emotions and tune into their intuition and actually come back into their body, because I think a lot of us are not in our bodies, are we? And I feel, with burnout work from my own lived experience and from observing and supporting others, is that part of this journey is that you have to kind of look and examine your patterns and behaviours in life, and then you start to realise a lot of those were shaped in childhood, and I love what you're sharing with the world about toxic parenting, and so I'm just so bloody privileged to be sat here with you today, and I'd love you to start us off by sharing a little bit about your story and how it's led you to do this phenomenal work that you do.
Josh Connolly:Well, thank you for the introduction. Yeah, look what's led me to do it. Look, I think that changes a lot over time. Right, when I first started, it started off as a sober journey. So the first part for me was quitting alcohol, and I think at the beginning I thought my problem was alcohol and then I realized that weren't the problem. I took that away and I was left with the problem, and then quickly I woke up to the struggles that I've had growing up as a child. My dad was an alcoholic and I lost him when I was about nine years old as a result of that, and then I just really struggled with life.
Josh Connolly:I found life very, very confusing. I'm what I would say is a highly sensitive person, so I sort of see and feel things very, very deeply, and so I've always felt like I've seen the world more clearly in some ways than some of the adults that I grew up with, and so I felt very confused a lot as a child and probably still do as an adult. To be honest with you, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that can see things right. I know that's not necessarily the case, but that's what it feels like. I know that's not necessarily the case, but that's what it feels like.
Josh Connolly:And then I found NACOA, which is a charity that supports children affected by parents drinking, and started supporting other people through their own struggles with their childhood, and I think the real thing that began to stand out for me is how difficult we find it to talk about truth when it's uncomfortable, and I think that's the big thing, right. I think one of the what I try to do in my work is to try and raise awareness, raise consciousness of actually true healing for me means feeling all of the stuff that you feel like you're not supposed to, I'm not allowed to feel, and that don't look pretty, you know, and so that's been been. My journey has been uncovering that for myself and then supporting other people in uncovering it for themselves too, you know.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, it's so um so challenging and confronting, isn't it to look at the truth, because I think you know, for some people will be listening to this and they'll resonate that you know you've lived a life where you've covered it up with a parent with alcoholism. You get very used to that subconscious message being you know, you don't talk about what's going on, you don't share it, you just kind of you know, carry on and you get really good at masking.
Josh Connolly:And I think that you know what I've realised is that that's probably it's definitely true when you grew up in a in an alcoholic home.
Josh Connolly:But I think it's sort of true of our society as well.
Josh Connolly:Like, if you look at the way that our culture and our society is set up, we tell kids from the age of five that you'll be of no use to this world and you'll have no value unless you do well in this system that we're going to force you through in the next 10 years, right? So unless you fit that system well and that system works for you and there'll be some people that it does if that system works well for you and then you've got a pretty functional, emotionally available family unit at home, you might do all right and you might not need to hide who you truly are. But if you don't fit perfectly in that system and I'd argue that's most people, um or you've got some, some struggles at home with dysfunction and again I think dysfunction is more, more, more more common than anything near functional Then I think you're going to have a problem right and society teaches you that you know you need to fit in and that you need to find a way to be part of the systems and the structures that we've created, you know. So I think, I think I think everybody gets to adulthood hiding who they truly are.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, I think I think everybody does, or most, most people.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, no, I'm right with you there, like I know you've got kids. I've got a 17 year old. So over here, like he's looking at kind of his future and what he's doing and the pressure he's feeling at school versus the kitchen table with me, I'm like love, like don't worry, like you're going to live your life, you're going to just follow the path it's going to be. But it's interesting how our kids are kind of they've got a toe in each pool here because it's like, do I fit in this society, this system, or do I kind of follow my intuition? And it's hard, it's hard.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, yeah, and I think you know it must be. I think it just gets harder and harder for children. In some ways, there's like emotional, uh sorry, information overload for them, right, and like they end up like where do I go, what do I do with this? Um, so yeah, I don't look, the internet's given us so much, but I think it sort of adds in so much as well, right, and it makes it even more complicated and even more difficult in many ways.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, yeah, absolutely, it's so true. Now a lot of your work is kind of you've started to branch like and focus on inner child work, haven't you? And I just I mean, obviously, I have just personally completed the Inner you programme with you, which was, oh my God, josh, it was just the most life changing, nourishing, nurturing. I can't even put into words yet. I think I'm still processing what just happened and it was just amazing. And so what kind of led you to discover breath work and make that connection with helping people delve deep into their emotions and the inner child work?
Josh Connolly:I think because when I, like I got sober just over 12 years ago and I think for the first few years, I got obsessed with learning about why I was the way that I was and I learned so much. I've read so many books. I used to work in a factory until like seven years ago, and so I would do like 10, 12 hour days right, and you could wear headphones, and so I would spend those 10, 12 hour days five or six days a week listening to seminars, and if I listened to a good one, I would listen to it on repeat learning, just learning, learning, learning all of the time. So I became obsessed about learning about why I was like I was, but I started to realize I know a lot, but there's something missing. I've got all the knowledge in the world, but I still don't feel on some days like I've made any headway. And I had processes that I used to do, like I used to try and meditate everybody talks about meditating and I couldn't do it like when I, when I closed my eyes, like people say yeah, but you know you're not supposed to clear your mind, you're just listening to what's going on and I'm like listen when I close my eyes and sit still. It is horrible and I feel worse than any time I've ever started and nobody could really tell me why.
Josh Connolly:And then, um, I I used to go to the sauna at the gym and I used to go early in the morning. There'd be nobody in the sauna and I used to think I'm going to sit in there for 20 minutes and the fact that I was like testing myself to see if I could stay in there 20 minutes was enough to make me sit still and like be in myself. And what happened is I essentially had a breath work experience in there, because I must've been breathing in and out, because I was hot, and I had this big experience where I like let go of this big emotion and in my mind I was like wailing, but I was crying as well a little bit in in real life. And I spoke to a friend of mine about it afterwards and he's like, oh, that sounds like when you do breath work. And I was like, well, what's breath work? I mean, I'd heard about breath work before but I thought it didn't work for me, you know, because I thought I'd tried it a couple of times and it just makes you feel dizzy. So he sent me a link at a time and said try this. And then I was like, wow, I had a massive experience, very physical in my body, experience, and I realized that for me, I think it's the missing piece of the puzzle.
Josh Connolly:I think Western culture wants you to be up in your head right. Consumerism and all that kind of individualism teaches you to be up in your head right To rationalize everything. But I've always done that. I've been a chronic people pleaser. I self-organize.
Josh Connolly:When people ask me stuff, I work out why they've asked me. I give them the perfect answer. I do that in my relationships. I do that in my friendships. I do that in my relationships. I do that in my friendships. I do that, um in, in a one-to-one therapy session. If a therapist asks me a question, I think, right, I know why they've asked that. Let me give a banging answer and then a therapy session will finish. The therapist will think, wow, that was an amazing session, like we had so many breakthroughs. And I leave there and think I'm so glad they think it was an amazing session and I've done nothing because I've, because I've, because I've, I'm an expert at that, and so when you do breath work.
Josh Connolly:What I discovered is that it really does bring you into your body. And so I look up until I know this is a very long-winded answer, but but, um, I'd done inner child work. I knew about inner child work rationally, but again, I'd sort of like you know, people say, picture it, and I can't keep my eyes long closed long enough, I couldn't picture anything. Um, I knew rationally that if I could connect with my inner child, something would happen, but I'd never been able to get there. And then, when I combined the two, it changed everything, like it changed my life. Um, it changed my life and and probably was one of the lowest, most like monumental breakthroughs that I'd had. And so from there that's when I became passionate about I knew straight away that I wanted to learn how to do it, and then I also knew that I wanted to make it accessible to as many people as I possibly could.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, you know I loved about your breathwork sessions. First of all, amazing playlist.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, don't argue with my playlist, we've got Pete Tong here, which that works for me, because I'm like you, like, yes, maybe I can meditate. I can't bloody meditate, josh. I'll start thinking and I also will start to. I guess it is that chronic people pleasing. This is why going to a therapist would not work for me. I'd be too busy working out what answer they want. Like, don't kid a kidder, I know what I'm going to give you Whereas breathwork you can't hide Not that there's anything to hide from, but it kind of just puts you in a spot, I guess, where you just do things fall away for you. I know it's profound.
Josh Connolly:Well, when you think about it like, I grew up in an environment where it wasn't safe to be in my body. There were so many big emotions in the house that I grew up in I couldn't be in my body because to feel deeply was painful. So I think one of the ways that we protect ourselves as we get up in our heads and listen I'm not. I think everybody should try therapy. I've got friends that are therapists. Uh, I know people whose lives have been changed by therapy and I just like, by the way, it's quite a new idea sitting one-to-one. It's quite a new Western idea to sit one-to-one across the table from somebody and just talk about stuff. Um, I just like, even even if I'm not chronic people pleasing, I just will be thinking why have you like I know why you've asked me that, or cool, that was a good question like I never fully in my body it's not just, it's anybody, I'm never and the breath work takes you there. Yeah, the breath work takes you there. Yeah, the breath work brings you into your body.
Josh Connolly:And you know you say about the playlists, the reason I use those big tunes at the beginning is because you know we play a grounding song just before that. Yeah, like some people go to me, I love doing a bit of slightly longer grounding session. I do mine two minutes, cause that's fucking too. Excuse my language because that's too much for me, because you put the when I do the grounding, I'm like. So when I do a breath work through the grounding track, I'm like getting myself sorted till the grounding track's finished, moving around thinking I'm not you know, like let me get this.
Josh Connolly:And then the fast upbeat music. It's like I'm like, right, let's go for this for listen. There's loads of breathwork coaches out there, right, and everybody's different and they all have their place. But I, you know, I've seen so many breathwork coaches that say I want to make this stuff accessible to people, I want to make you know, I want to bring breathwork to the normal everyday person. And then I think, well, why do you? Why are you talking like an idiot when you deliver it? Am I like changing the way that you talk and making it like unreachable? And that's not. It sounds a bit pointy and maybe it is.
Josh Connolly:I can be a judgmental sometimes, but, but, but what I've always tried to do is think about the 24 year old that I was. And the 24 year old that I was wouldn't have gone to a tie dye event where we're talking about transcending consciousness. I would. Now, I love that stuff. Take me there, let's sign me up. Yeah, I'm, I'm fully into it, I love it. But the 24 year old me might've come to one of my sessions where I say, listen, if you lay down, it's going to be banging and you'll be off your nut by the end of it. I promise you Right. Then maybe you'll get some buy-in and then maybe these people will try it and then they can go on and do that other stuff. You know, um, but it is, it's just breathing at the end of the day. I wish I could tell people that I'm like some sort of genius with it, but I'm really, I'm really not right. It really is the breath work that does it, the powers in the breath work. There's no doubt about that for sure.
Flic Taylor :But you do a brilliant job, josh like, and I was the one. I'm your perfect candidate for resisting this to the hills. So I, we do the grounding, we do the first one. I'll be like lovely bit pizza. Here we go, let's go. And then, second round, everything in my body is going don't you don't? Because I felt myself like descend. I used to be able to do this as a kid, which is interesting, and I would fight it, but I would feel myself and everything, every fibre of my being, was like don't you, bloody, do it, don't you do it, come on, stay up there. Stay up there and you would have this. It was like you were there, right in it with me, because you'd be like okay, just keep going, because you're gonna fight it, don't worry. And I would just hear that. And then I'd be able to, like, get back on track. And then, by the third one, it was like my body was just going just give in love, and then I beat him.
Flic Taylor :And it was amazing. Visualizations were so powerful.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, and I struggle with visualizations, right Like away from a breathwork session. I've got to do a breathwork session, otherwise you get me doing a visualization. I shut my eyes and I go okay, well, my mind just starts going. I know why they're doing this and, oh, why are they trying to like? My mind just takes over all of the time. Yeah, so the breath work takes you beyond that. It takes you beyond that and it's life changing, like people say to me and this is I'm just repeating what people say to me. People say this is like this one session has been better than 30 years of therapy.
Flic Taylor :And I believe them, I believe them.
Josh Connolly:Listen, I think that I think that our bodies hold the answers Like I don't really. Truth be told, I don't really. I can't really recall a lot of my childhood, yeah, right. And so a lot of the things that trigger me that I then end up storing in my body I can talk about until the cows come home, but they probably it's probably being triggered by things that happened to me before I even had a rational brain, yeah, so I can talk about it endlessly for the rest of my life and I'll never touch what where it is. I'll never touch where it is.
Josh Connolly:And I think that, um, if you look historically, when we used to live in tribes and stuff, or the tribes that still exist today, they're all dancing about and breathing and shaking their body and moving and doing all of that. It's only like in Western culture well, I mean, we've got the globalisation of Western culture now, really but it's only really in Western culture that that's so fully embedded in consumerism that wants to tell you you don't possess what you need, you've got to go out and find it Right and you've got to buy it and you've got to. It's this that you suffer from, right? Nobody gets rich when, when people discover and recognize their innate power and listen. To be clear, that's an overly simplistic way of it's an overly simplistic idea, but I definitely think that there's some truth in that, you know.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, for sure it's. I just feel the work you're doing in a you and obviously you know the breathing space is so important and what I want people who have burnt out to really know is because you know, listen, you can do three weeks in bed watching Netflix, eating Ferrero Rocher there's wrappers everywhere. You can do that but actually the real burnout work because you'll just keep going in the cycles unless you really start to look at kind of why am I people pleasing, why am I doing this? You can start to look, but then something about the breath work and inner you that for me, was able to then go to the next step and then just kind of feel that sense of safety and security within yourself which I don't think many people are putting together.
Josh Connolly:No, burnout recovery. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I think, look, when we think about burnout and how we find ourselves there, I think so much of that's driven by needing to escape my body. Yes, I've got, let me keep busy, let me keep away from my body, because my body doesn't feel like a safe, safe space and I'm carrying all of this stuff and if I slow down, it starts to come up, like, like, when we stop, yeah, and you take time and you think about the meditation that we talked about, yeah, and how we really struggle with it, it's because it's scary, man, it's scary to be in my body, it's scary to do that. So my mind takes over and finds every reason why not to do it anymore? And so, like, I think a lot of people live their lives like that. They live their life so up in their head they don't even know how depressed they are until the body does, thankfully, what it needs to do, right, which is break you down. So finally, you're going to do something about it, because you know we've been showing you and been showing you and been showing you and you've been running away from it. So now we're going to have to completely like, break you down and like the body's. The body's so clever.
Josh Connolly:You know, I was at a family party recently, right, and one of the fam, one of my family members there, um, we had to call an ambulance but they like fainted, right, um, and it ended up feeling like they were like having a heart attack, right. Anyway, we called an ambulance and it transpired that the ambulance said the reason they fainted is because and this can happen because they're in their like 50s or 60s, right, it can just randomly happen. And so what the brain does is it restarts and it makes you faint because they're um. Because they're um, what was it? A shot? Not their blood sugar levels, their blood pressure blood pressure had shot up.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, so the mind made them faint and then when you're led flat on the floor, that automatically drops your blood pressure. Yeah, but because we panicked and sat him up on a seat, it made it worse until eventually we panicked and got him in the recovery position. And as soon as he got in the recovery position and he was led down, his body restarted in the way that it was trying to do when it made him faint. And so I think our bodies do that to us all of the time. Yeah, and so I know when I'm really like, one of the ways my body tells me is I'll get like I've got quite sort of oily skin with crap pores, but I'll get like a bit of a, like a what feels like a nasty spot somewhere, and I am always stressed when that happens. I'm always not because it's happened. It happens because I'm overly stressed and then it starts to come out of my skin and my body. Now listen, I ain't a doctor, but, um, I believe there's correlations there in our bodies, always screaming at us, you know.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, absolutely. It's always trying to tell you and I think, for anyone burning out or trying to not look at the dark corners in their lives, we're constantly ignoring our bodies. This is why, when people burn out to the extent I did I mean, josh, I was a mental health fighter. For God's sake, do you know what?
Josh Connolly:I mean.
Flic Taylor :The extent I did is because you're just abandoning your needs and you're not even looking at yourself, that actually, when I speak to people they're like I can't believe that happened to me and I'm like I know you don't see it. Walk through the back door because daily you are not looking at yourself in the mirror, you're not looking at your needs, you're not looking at your needs, you're not meeting those needs. You are just so focused and, as you say, you're in your head and you are just escaping whatever's going on.
Flic Taylor :And this is why we need to, you know, really start to look at, you know, things like breathwork, because they're so what I love about it. I mean, you have a free breathwork available on your website, don't you? But I did the free one before Inner you was being promoted and, honestly, it was a Sunday and I was like I don't know, I really should try it. I don't think it's going to work, but I really like the messages you put out on Toxic Parenting on Instagram. I like this bloke he's a great geezer, I don't know and that first breath work was just like oh God, it was powerful, because I have, for many years, not been able to cry for myself. And then, when I came out of the breath, I was like bloody hell, there's tears everywhere and I was like, oh, that's some good emotional release there and I think it's such a simple thing and it's accessible. But, as you say, we're not aware we can do these things and we're kind of looking at different other labels and things. But I mean, it's just incredible work.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, and I don't, like you know, I think it will continue to grow and become, you know, more, more and more people will know about it. But it's hard, isn't it? It's hard to describe exactly the experience that you've had. Like you have to say to people just go and do it and and see the experience that you have, and it's like you know, it shines a light on so many things, because I think, like, look, I became like an what I would call an alcoholic addict.
Josh Connolly:Right Now, when you look at that, it's quite obvious that that's I've become a part of, a part of myself. That's not good, right, a part of myself has taken over. It's very clear to see that. But if you become very busy and somebody who works really well, well, a by-product of that might be that you become quite successful, and so then it becomes a little bit more tricky than looking at somebody who drinks too much to see that this is an issue. Right, I'm successful, everything's just good. I'm a business leader or I'm a manager, or maybe you become, the caring version of yourself takes over, and you just become brilliant at caring for everybody else, and again, it gets harder to spot these things right, but ultimately they're no different to when I was using alcohol to escape right. It's just a different mechanism. It's a different thing that's working.
Flic Taylor :Yes, it's so true. It's so true, and I would put money on a lot of people who've burnt out a kind of. It's always the over-givers, the over-carers, the over-achievers, and you know, it's those kind of personality traits that are just trying to do good, but they're just abandoning themselves and your identity becomes the carer. I'm the good one, I'm the one who always lifts the mood in the room. I'm this, I'm this, and that's your identity and your worth goes with that. So it's hard to kind of go oh, hang on a minute, what am I like if I don't do that? Because that's burning me out? What do I do now?
Josh Connolly:Yeah, well, when you create your whole personality and persona around, how useful you can be for everybody else. When you're not being useful for anybody else, you're empty. Yeah, so you can't not be doing something for anybody else because you don't know who you are. Away from, that I know. So of course you burn out doing it, right, because who wants to not know who they are, who wants to feel completely lost and like they don't have a personality?
Flic Taylor :Yeah, yeah. It's so important we get this message out there because, as people you know, kind of go hang on a minute. Yeah, I want to recover from burnout, but I don't want to change who I am. I don't want to change too much what I'm doing, because it's their identity.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, yeah, and that's the. I think that's the. I think that's the.
Josh Connolly:Learning right is that when you look at the, when you look at like ifs work, as in internal family systems, work, that can bring the realization that actually the caring part of you is not an issue, nor do you need to get rid of it. But we can't let the caring part of us run the show. Yeah, so we have to learn. Why does this caring part exist? What are they worried about? You know, what do they believe would happen if they stopped being so obsessively caring? And how do I start to work with that part of myself to let it know that it can be that and it can be a loving, good part of my life, but that it can't be my everything?
Josh Connolly:And what you'll find is normally, when you get to the core belief of the carer, right, you know, for example, you may learn that actually the carer is so terrified that if we're not caring for anybody else, then we are of no worth and we're of no value. And then you can start to teach that part of yourself. Well, let me show you. Let me show you that we are of value without the caring part. Let me show you about some of the values that we have as a person, away from when we're caring for other people, and that takes a bit of work to recognize and look. I think, in many ways, a lot of people need a shock to wake them up, which is why I say, like it's great, like not as great, that you burn out, but if you went listening and nobody's getting through to you and you can't see, then it's brilliant that your body does what it does to you to make you look exactly.
Flic Taylor :It took you down and this is your moment now to kind of. You know the tower's crumbled. This is you can't pick up all the bricks that are you want to take into the next chapter.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, it's courageous isn't it, josh? It really is it takes a lot of courage. Yeah, it takes a lot of courage, and I think probably maybe the one of the the saddest things about it is that, in for a lot of us, it takes, uh, a huge amount of pain for us to finally decide to look at it right.
Flic Taylor :Um, yeah it does, especially when it's been modeled to you by your parent not to look at it. I'm just in the ancestral trauma stuff when it's been like don't look in that, don't look in that box, don't look at that for you to be okay, I'm gonna look in the box takes a lot.
Josh Connolly:Well, I think it's not only modelled by our parents, I think it's modelled by society in general. I mean, the message that we're fed from society is that you're not good enough, right, we, we, we live in sort of hyper capitalism, hyper consumerism, right? So everywhere we look right, like marketing. At the core of marketing right Is to feed you the belief that if you don't buy this product, then you're not good enough, right. So we're fed the message constantly from everywhere that we're not good enough, right, and that the solution exists outside of us, right. And so that's the world that we live in. We live in a world where our parents have sort of run away from it. And then you know, the world tells you it'd be all right, just get this next thing. You know, if you earn enough money, you buy the right stuff, you have a good house or whatever, that it's going to deal with it. But most of us find out in the end that it doesn't. It doesn't deal with it, you know.
Flic Taylor :It doesn't.
Josh Connolly:If only it did.
Flic Taylor :Click that switch and we're sorted. I know, I know it's um, it's a hard thing to learn to love yourself and to show yourself self-compassion when you've never done that, isn't it, josh? And how. That's something that I really got from inner you and has really helped me. I feel, um, that was a missing puzzle piece. Actually, you know, what I bloody love about your sessions is that I think in every session, at some point, josh, you've said listen, I'm doing the work as well. I'm not perfect, I'm still doing, and you're really raw and vulnerable with the group as well, and I just it's, it's so um, I don't know. I want to say it's inspiring. I feel a bit wanky saying that, but it's like, really, it keeps you kind of thinking, okay, he's doing it, I'm doing it. You know, it's that community sense of commuting that makes you feel like, okay, I'll keep going. It's painful yeah.
Josh Connolly:I have some bad, but I'm gonna keep going yeah, and I think, like I've tried to commit to like rigorous honesty and like in that in that way, um, but also like I'm like I'm like my go-to is to get addictive with stuff, you know. So I have to be really careful when I'm leading in spaces to not addictively think that I'm some kind of guru, you know, because I think, like when I first started doing this stuff, I thought I needed to show people that you know, to have authority and to be listened to. I've got to show that. I've got it all together. And then I started to think but I haven't, so I can't do that and be authentic.
Josh Connolly:And I recognized, look, I think most of us learn best in shoulder to shoulder environments, and so I like I say I say it all of the time I barely know what's good for me, so I don't know what's good for you, but what I do know is what I do believe I can do is create a space where we can all reflect together and see what we can learn. And I think, look, that's the way that I do my work. When you look online, I don't give advice. None of my stuff gives advice. I'll unpack stuff and have a look at it and try and go a little bit deeper on it. But ultimately we all have to do the work ourselves. We all have to sort of turn within and find what is within us, because that's the only way you know.
Flic Taylor :Well, and there's real power. When you listen to someone share their story, how you know their experience, they will say things that you're like, oh my God, I feel that way too. I thought it was just me or it. They'll spark something in you and that also, I feel, really starts that kind of it, adds fuel to that healing journey. It's so powerful to hear yourself in other people's stories like yeah I believe this to be true.
Josh Connolly:When, when you, if you hear about anybody that's like being to a dark place and has come through it, if you ask them what sparked it, right, what sparked that, very rarely will they say, well, I went to see a doctor and they said it was this, right, it doesn't happen very often, of course. I'm sure it does happen at times. Most people will say, well, I, you know, met this person and they were struggling, and then I realized they were struggling with the same thing as me and they vocalized something that I'd never heard before, and then I started this journey and so, like because and I think because what follows that is a moment of release.
Josh Connolly:I'm not alone, right, because shame will tell you when you think or feel or behave in a certain way that you've never told anybody about. Shame will tell you. They're going to string you up. When they find out that you think this, right, the world is going to hate you the way that you hate yourself for thinking it, and that's exasperated in the world that we live in today, because people do cancel people for stuff. Yeah, so when, when you, when you keep that to yourself, cause you haven't yet found the courage or the ability to be able to share it with somebody, and then you're in a group and someone goes. I feel like this and you go.
Josh Connolly:Oh yeah, Like I've that's been killed, that's killed me. All my life All my life sat on that. And I've just watched you say it and I've watched everybody else in the group nod or people have put relate in the chat and I think, oh my, like that, that's what group spaces give me. Yeah, I learned about myself most by listening deeply to other people.
Josh Connolly:And I go and I run a men's event and I go there once a month and I walk in and I think I really got I don't know if I'm going to get anything from today and then I sit in there and I leave there and I think you know what, we're all messy and just trying to make our way through. And really that's the comfort, because there ain't no answer. Like life's messy, complicated and hard, right, um and so if we can make one another feel less alone in that right, rather than pretend that we've got the solution on the answer, then I think that's amazing and that's what I try. You know, that's what I try and do with my work. And I say to people like you're not going to run off into the sunset and never struggle again, like that's what I try and do with my work and I say to people like you're not going to run off into the sunset and never struggle again, like that's not what it's about no, but my god, does it help you?
Flic Taylor :I mean now I kind of you know I did the six weeks. I've just had a really challenging weekend, probably, I don't know, the most challenging weekend I've probably had in 10 years. Say, there's no bloody way, josh, I would have come out of that weekend as well as I did if I hadn't have done in a year for sure oh well, that's that's honestly.
Flic Taylor :I sat there and I thought, okay, like I've been through my burnout, I've done this, I've done this and I've said to you I've done a few programs, but there's something about in a you and I now realize. I think it's because it's a space where there's both men and women and I actually I didn't realize it, but I feel safer with men than just women. I was like, okay, that's interesting, I didn't know that. And I think that's what for people listening, like you know, I never want people to think, well, I tried this and it didn't work. So I'm just going to go back to my old ways, like, no, keep going, keep trying, keep trying new things, keep looking to see who kind of you know resonates with you.
Flic Taylor :But, for sure it's. Again, I can't put into words how powerful it is. I think I'm still processing it, but it's phenomenal work, which is why I'm so excited for your book to come out. I always love reading the books, so your book's coming out, isn't it?
Josh Connolly:yeah, it comes out july the 7th, um. Is it july the 7th or july the 11th? It comes out in july, um. It's available for pre-order now, so you can pre-order it now. I'm actually looking at my. Let's get the pre-orders going the 11th July, the 11th it comes out and you can pre-order it now. So yeah, it's amazing.
Flic Taylor :I'm very excited. Yeah, come on, tell me more about the book.
Josh Connolly:Mine's obviously on order, but I want a little.
Flic Taylor :I want a little sneak peek come on, did you know that you can come to the free online retreat? I'm doing it.
Josh Connolly:I'll be there you know that's available to everybody, that pre-orders, which is exciting. No, look, the book is based on in a you um, but it's probably a um, a deeper, more contextualized look at it, based on sort of toxic parents and family dysfunction, and there's a lot more exercises in there than you do in the new year. But it takes you on that process. You know, I start by trying to qualify exactly what I'm talking about when I talk about toxic parents and what that means. And then the book will take you on a journey to understand yourself on a deeper level, to connect with who you are in the world today, so that you can feel trusted in yourself, to go and reconnect with your inner child and, um, you know, be able to become their champion. And um, every chapter finishes with a QR code. So you scan the QR code and that'll take you to a breath work uh online, and so you'll get to do it exactly as you do on inner you. You do the work code and that'll take you to a breath work uh online, and so you'll get to do it exactly as you do on in a? U you do the work and then at the end of the chapter, you do a breath work using the qr code. So, um, so yeah, I'm very excited about it, like, uh, it's very, it's very new.
Josh Connolly:I've never written a book before, um, and so I'm quite nervous about it coming out, because I know, like I've got lots of evidence now that when I deliver my sessions in the corporate space or in a? U we've done nearly 10 cohorts. You know, like I've got evidence to show that. You know I can be confident that people enjoy it or, you know, will have an experience. But I've never written a book before, so there is a bit of nerves that I might be crap at it, right, no way, you're going to be bloody crap at it.
Flic Taylor :There's no way.
Josh Connolly:I mean, I might be you haven't read it yet.
Flic Taylor :Darling. It's like the way you speak, the way you because, obviously, I've been following you for a while now and, like you know, I love your reels, I love the information, I love your lives. Oh, my God, your Instagram lives are always really good. It's just you are exactly where you're meant to be. This is what you're meant to be doing right now and, to be honest, you know, it's something I've got teenage boys, but I will definitely be passing the book on to them and being like check this guy out, because I think these are tools that we need and we should be carrying throughout our life and sharing with one another, and so I'm just so excited for more people to find your work. I just as I say, I can't say enough good about it. This has been so profound for me, so yeah.
Josh Connolly:No, that's amazing, that's amazing, um. So, yeah, look, I'm I'm super excited. I'm super excited to get it in people's hands and it's gonna, you know, it'll mean that like the inner you process can reach way more people. So, like, I like I don't know how much I can say, but there it's already, there's already the potential for it to start being translated into different languages and stuff like that. So, like that's mega, mega exciting. And then I'm going on tour with it in July. So there's like like in-person sessions where people can come across the UK and Ireland. So that's that's really exciting. These, they'll be like the biggest events that I've ever done. Um, so, yeah, it's exciting, it's good times.
Josh Connolly:You know, I feel I feel very, feel, very grateful to everybody that sort of supports the work that I do and trusts me. You know, because, um, I feel like I have done things slightly differently in terms of the way that people operate in the space that I operate in, I've sort of as much as I can. You know, I learned early on people, like people used to say to me I, you know, hope one day I can be as healed as you are and I'd be. Like that made me think I'm not doing my job right. I'm not doing my job right because because that doing my job right, because that's not how it works. That's not how it works. I'm not more healed than anybody, you know.
Josh Connolly:I just want people to. I want people to know that, that there is an inner journey that we can go on. It's messy and, you know, doesn't always feel good, but we can all go on it, you know, and we can all grow and evolve as as humans. When we do um, and I think that's what people want. I think there's a yearning for that. I think we've been through um like, like the guru, kind of um, yeah, phase, you know, online, of like you know what I would call almost sort of spiritual bypassing of you know, if you do these free things and just focus on the positive stuff, then all the bad stuff goes away. You know, I think people are getting a little bit tired of that because they're sort of realising that it doesn't work. It works for a while. It works for a while because you can get up in your head and really focus on it, but it it doesn't. It doesn't last forever.
Flic Taylor :No, and I mean, let's face it, we're hardwired for connection, aren't we? So it makes sense, um, and it's incredible that you hold these, um, amazing spaces online, like they really are so pure and authentic and raw and amazing and they feel incredibly safe to be in. Josh, they really do, but it's amazing you can do that online, and to me it makes sense that it's hardwired. We need community, and so many of us have been operating alone or, you know, just leading a community without you know families, without you know looking around.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I think community used to be ingrained in us, right and in the world that we live in today, and I think community used to be ingrained in us, right, and in the world that we live in today, it's less ingrained in us, and so we do have to find new ways to do that. We do have to find new ways to create community, and I'm passionate about that, you know. That's why you know, that's why I do breathing space in the way that I do, that's why I run the men's group, that's why I do a you in the way that I do, because I heal in community. You know, we talked about the one-to-one therapy and listen, if that works for you, it's great, like absolutely brilliant. Keep doing it. You know, um, but I heal in community spaces, I heal amongst other people. That that's where I heal. You know, um, and I'm passionate about that.
Flic Taylor :Yeah yeah, I'm looking forward to people listening to this and going for those who have tried therapy or they're like I don't know. I'm really looking forward to them going. Maybe I'll try that free breath work and then them having the same experience as me and then following the thread.
Josh Connolly:And you know, the thing is, there's almost a stigma now as well, like around saying therapy, I don't. Therapy doesn't work for me at the moment, like it's like you're almost sort of not allowed to say it, right? But it's like, do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I think it's. I think, like I think it's great they exist and I love how much it helps people right, and up until this point I haven't found any great deal of benefit from it. And that's all right as well, like that's all right, like, but but but I think people struggle with that because people often hear what they hear. They don't hear what you're saying, you know.
Flic Taylor :Yes, oh my God, it's so true, it's so true. Oh my God, josh, this has been just an amazing chat. It really has. I knew I just I don't know. Just I keep saying it don't I Sound like a broken record, it's just, it's been life changing for me. It really has, and I even had the proof of the pudding by last weekend, going oh my God. And then going, okay, wow, I came out of that still loving myself, which I haven't been able to do for four to six years, still loving myself, still having that self-compassion for myself, still being able to be grounded and within myself, and I thought, wowzers, there's no bloody way I would have been able to have done any of that if it hadn't been for you and any of you and Jess Wow, jess.
Josh Connolly:well, that's amazing, honestly, it means the world to me. It means the world to me to hear people have such big experiences with it. You know, like it does. I really try and sit with that and and listen and hear people when they say that because, um, it's what I've always wanted to do, you know, I've always wanted to create something that can reach people and help them, you know, evolve and move forward in their lives. So it's great, honestly, it's amazing.
Flic Taylor :I'm curious what do you think little Josh would think of you doing this work now? I've seen you now.
Josh Connolly:Um, yeah, just very proud. Um, just very proud. Um, just very. Um. It's interesting. The truth of what little me would think is that there was never any doubt. The youngest version of myself knows of my value. Yes, like like, my youngest version knows of my value. My value exists because I exist, right. My value version knows of my value. My value exists because I exist, right. My value is not my. My value is not dependent on what I do in the world or or or who I am. Like, my value, like my value, comes from inside of me, you know, and I think so. So the little me, once I was able to reconnect with the little me, the little me is always pure.
Flic Taylor :Yeah.
Josh Connolly:Right, it's always like full of that childlike wonder and curiosity. Yeah, never in doubt from the little me. But we hide the little us behind everything because we become scared, because the world teaches us that the world's not safe, the world teaches us that you're not good enough, that you have to go and do this thing to become good enough, and so the real work is stripping all that back, going and finding the little you. And you realize, actually, none of that matters, none of that matters. I am whole.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, you know by the way, if you look at like spiritual literature, religious literature, right, like, probably the Bible is the one that I know the most Right, and I'm not religious in in any way, but they all talk about that. The Bible talks about the great. I am Right, because what they're talking about is and it says that God is within you Right, religions say that. Why do I think they say that? Because what they're trying to, I think what they're getting at, is the realization that it's all in here. You get lost, the world loses you.
Josh Connolly:Looking for it, and that's everybody's. I think that's everybody's journey. They go out in the world looking for it, realize it, and out there, and then they come home to themselves in the end. Looking for it, realise it ain't out there, and then they come home to themselves in the end. But how dysfunctional our culture is that in the past, when people have woke up in their 30s, 40s and 50s and they say you know what I'm going to start wearing, what I want to wear, I'm going to start being who I am, I'm going to buy the motorbike, and our society caused that midlife crisis.
Flic Taylor :And it's negative.
Josh Connolly:And it's negative, and actually this is people that go. I'm going to be everything I wanted to be. And it doesn't matter what other people think, because I get to be myself. So, yeah, look. To come back to the question, what would the little me say? The little me would say that it was never in doubt. And it would also probably say I don't really care what you do for other people. Look at this flower, let's play this. That's what the little me would say, because I'm not a product of what I do.
Flic Taylor :No, you're just living and you're just uh, you're just in your truth.
Josh Connolly:I'm just being yeah, yeah.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, I love that. That's so true. When you said little me wouldn't, wouldn't see anything, I'm like, oh my God, you're right, because when I did my kind of work I saw myself as four. I shouldn't give a fuck, josh, she was happy playing.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, and, by the way, you've got your own kids right. But you remember when they're younger. So it's not until they start growing up and start seeing, like, what the world values. But my, so my youngest is six, so she's probably just come through the phase, but up until the age of four or five.
Josh Connolly:If I come home to my kids and went, I did a talk today in front of 500 people, right, and they said it was amazing and they want to have me back. What would a four year old say? All right, can we play with my, can we play Uno? They don't care. Because they don't care about that stuff, because they just want to be, they want to be present and they want to live. Yeah, you know. So that's purity. It's only when the when it's only like the different versions of myself that want me to go out and think I'm amazing because of all this stuff. My truth is is that that I'm nobody. I'm just me, you know. And when I'm present and in that, that's when I'm the most free, when I'm not a product of what I do.
Flic Taylor :No, but you're, that's when the real good stuff comes out, I feel. Do you know what I mean? Like I've noticed, when I'm in the zone, that's when all the good stuff comes out.
Josh Connolly:When.
Flic Taylor :I'm like trying to market it Marketing.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, when I'm present, when I'm present and I'm here.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, nothing else matters yeah. Oh perfect place to land on. Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for your time today. I'll put in the show notes links to your book, cause we want those pre-orders. Get your pre-orders.
Josh Connolly:Yeah, the pre-orders in. Come to the book tour, it's going to be amazing.
Flic Taylor :Do the pre-order, because then you can come to the retreat. I'll be there.
Josh Connolly:Online retreat. Yeah, that's going to be good.
Flic Taylor :It's amazing, you just like give so much value all the time. You do realize that You're just like here, here, here, here, here.
Josh Connolly:So amazing. I can't help myself after time. I think I get. You know like I get myself in a bit of trouble sometimes with the team around me because I'm like, let's do this, I'll go on Instagram live and then I have to come off and go right.
Flic Taylor :we need some codes for free entry to stuff, because I've just been giving it away again. I love it. I love it. You're a gift to the world, Josh. You really are. Thank you so much for your time. I know you're a busy man, but I'm sure people are going to be able to follow your work. Oh my God, I cannot recommend any of you more highly. I don't know if I've said that enough times. Thank you so much.
Josh Connolly:Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate it and appreciate you.
Flic Taylor :Okay, cheers, josh Bye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Everyday Burnout Conversations. Take a peek at the show notes for any links to items discussed today, and if you want to continue the burnout conversation, you can find me on social media at FlickTaylorWrites, or you can head to my website, flicktaylorcom, if you're curious and want to learn more on what it's like to work with me one-to-one. So, in the meantime, rest up, don't forget to take good care of you, and bye for now.