Everyday Burnout Conversations
Everyday burnout conversations is an honest podcast sharing the burnout experiences of others from all walks of life. Host, Flic Taylor, is a writer whose passion for burnout arose when she became a mental health writer dealing with severe burnout - and yes, the irony is not lost on her! Enjoy these weekly conversations sharing stories of surviving and thriving, all delightfully wrapped up in epic truths, compassion, and humour.
Everyday Burnout Conversations
Nick Edgar | From people pleasing to reclaiming self-worth, a tale of vulnerability and self-compassion
In this everyday burnout conversation, I share an incredible chat with Holistic Transformational Coach Nick Edgar.
This beautifully raw and candid conversation is a true testament to the power of vulnerability and the strength that comes from embracing all aspects and the dualities of our life journeys.
Nick Edgar, a coach and former professional footballer, joins me for a heart-to-heart on how he transformed his relentless pursuit of external validation into a journey of self-compassion and emotional agility.
From the challenges of childhood expectations to the complexities of finding an identity in a life after football, Nick opens up about the courage it takes to confront the stories we've written about ourselves and why those narratives need to be rewritten with kindness.
We discuss the significance of vulnerable struggles, the societal pressure to mask our imperfections, and the liberation found in acknowledging failure as a crucial part of growth.
Nick's insights on setting personal boundaries and the healing power of supportive communities that listen without judgment remind us that gentleness in the face of adversity isn't just an act of self-care—it's an act of defiance against a culture that equates busyness with worth.
More about Nick
Nick Edgar is a trauma-informed Holistic Transformational Coach, NLP, Hypnotherapy, and breathwork practitioner and co-founder of the wellbeing organisation The 3E Space.
Nick identifies as a highly sensitive guy and a recovering people-pleaser. He coaches people globally, supporting his clients in breaking free of people-pleasing in meaningful ways.
His work with The 3E Space helps organisations and businesses develop effective cultures, emotional agility, and burnout prevention.
Nick is a freelance facilitator for Equation, a Nottingham-based Domestic Abuse Charity, and with InCourage, facilitating men’s retreat weekends.
He hosts The Sunday Space, a monthly men’s group, and you can enjoy listening to him most Wednesday evenings as a panellist on BBC Midlands Local Radio’s Circle of Men talk show, hosted by Arun Verma.
You’ll also find Nick supporting Josh Connolly as an affiliate coach and facilitator in delivering Inner You - an online group healing programme and live breathwork.
Find Nick at:
Nick’s Instagram
Nick's website
www.the3espace.com
Mentioned in this episode:
The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges by Paul Gilbert
Josh Connolly's website & Inner You Program
Josh Connolly's Instagram @josh_ffw
The Circle of Men is every Wednesday at 8 pm on BBC Midlands Local Radio hosted by Arun Verma
Nick is a facilitator for @_incourage_ men’s retreats
Nick is a facilitator in schools for @equationorg charity
Fancy a little more burnout chat? Let's continue the conversation.
Find me on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook
Check out my latest work and discover how you can work one-to-one with me to tackle your burnout at flictaylor.com
Hello, I'm Flick and you're listening to Everyday Burnout Conversations. This is the honest podcast that shares burnout expertise, along with the stories of others from all walks of life that strive to inspire and help you manage and avoid burnout. Now, my passion for burnout and self-care came about when I became a mental health writer who'd lost her own mental health to severe burnout and it's an irony that's not lost on me. So get set to enjoy another great conversation, delightfully wrapped up in some wisdom, humour and great storytelling. Enjoy up in some wisdom, humour and great storytelling. Enjoy In this everyday burnout conversation.
Flic Taylor :I share an incredible chat with Nick Edgar, a trauma-informed, holistic, transformational coach, nlp, hypnotherapy and breathwork practitioner and co-founder of the wellbeing organisation, the 3E Space. Nick identifies as a highly sensitive guy and a recovering people pleaser. He coaches globally, supporting his clients in breaking free of people pleasing in meaningful ways. His work with the 3E Space helps organisations and businesses develop effective cultures, emotional agility and burnout prevention. Nick is a freelance facilitator for Equation, a Nottingham-based domestic abuse charity, and with Encourage, facilitating men's retreat weekends. He hosts a Sunday Space, a monthly men's group, and you can enjoy listening to him most Wednesday evenings as a panellist on BBC Midland's local radio Circle of Men talk show hosted by Aaron Verma. You'll also find Nick supporting Josh Connolly as an affiliate coach and facilitator in delivering Inner you, an online group healing program, and live breath work.
Flic Taylor :Oh my gosh, enjoy listening to this truly heartfelt conversation. It's a true testament to the power of vulnerability and the strength that comes from embracing all aspects of our journeys. Nick talks about the emotional toll of leaving life as a professional footballer to face the daunting quest to redefine his identity. His story isn't just about personal triumphs. It's a beautifully raw and candid look at dealing with life's hurdles. His relatable and invaluable insights delve into the importance of self-compassion and understanding the multifaceted nature of our experiences. He explains why it's important to create communities where authenticity is not just accepted but it's celebrated. So get set to listen to the calm of Nick's voice and the wisdom about embarking on your own path of self-acceptance and personal growth.
Flic Taylor :So here we go, settle in for your brilliant everyday burnout conversation with Nick Edgar.
Flic Taylor :Oh, nick, I'm really excited to sit and chat with you today. I've been really looking forward to this all week because obviously I love the message and the work you're doing, but honestly, it was one, two Instagram posts that really have a special place in my heart of yours that I just think are just incredible. And the first one it was I was out shopping and I was just in a queue and I was just you know how you're kind of killing, like you're just bored, you're looking for something to do, and I saw your brilliant post. It was a carousel and it was literally like there are two stories about me here and both of them are true. So instantly I'm like and I looked and like the first one it's amazing. And then the second one, I was like oh, how many of us can relate to this? So, to start us off, I'd love to talk about that amazing post and your incredible journey that has led you to where you are doing the amazing work that you are today.
Nick Edgar:Oh, flip. Well, firstly, thank you for inviting me on your amazing podcast. Like, I deliberately chose the Friday afternoon slot because, like I wanted this to be the best thing of my week and I think it's going to be like I can't wait. So, yes, that Instagram post. I think for me, like in my own life journey, learning to develop the confidence to be both vulnerable, open and honest as a man has been, the more I've been able to learn to do that, the the more balanced, the the better I've felt about myself and what I've come to learn over doing the work that I do is that everybody has two versions of their own life story. And we have that kind of LinkedIn-y version of here's all my achievements, and then we have that kind of version that can sit in the shadows, in the shame, swamp the things about ourselves and the experiences that we've had that actually were really challenging and and maybe we're a bit embarrassed or maybe even feel shame about. So I want to, I want to bring that into the light, and that post was just on a whim, really, and I'm really glad that he spoke to you, but yeah, if the first verse of the story is.
Nick Edgar:You know, I grew up in a largely kind of privileged area in Hertfordshire, just north of London in the 70s and 80s and I was brought up in the Catholic faith and that was really important to me as a young person and it became quite obvious quite quickly that I was talented at football. So between the ages of sort of 10 and 19 I represented clubs like Tottenham Hotspur and Luton Town and Watford and Reading and Stevenage, and I actually played with or against some players that went on to be some of the best players of my generation, such as um david beckham, such as uh kevin phillips, who was the last english top scorer of the premier league. I played against the dutch internationals clarence seedorf and patrick cliver, who were big, big names, um bruce dyer at watford, who was the britain's first million teenage player, and Robert Page, the current Wales manager, and they were amazing experiences, but it just didn't quite work out for me. But I had other strings to my bow and I was able to go to university and explore my faith by taking theology. After my degree I taught English in Milan for a while and then got headhunted for a job in the travel industry in London and I worked there for five years and then I pursued music and and that brought me to Nottingham and then I I worked for Eon for 10 years in various leadership roles and that was when I began to get really curious about wellness and about leadership and about um theme of this show, sort of burnout, and and then kind of as I entered my 40s and beyond, I really sort of really took an interest in it so that when the, when the pandemic happened, I thought I can go on as I'm going and I'll be fine, yeah, or um, or I can really look to take a bit of a gamble and a chance and do something that could be soul-led and as meaningful as it gets.
Nick Edgar:And that's what I did and that's what I've been doing now full-time for just over two years. So that's version one.
Flic Taylor :Version one and you know, for me, sat there looking at that post, like you know, you feel it in your body, don't you? You're like, ooh, that's really cool. Like you know, represented England at 18. And you know, you did your your degree at Oxford and you know, like a homeowner in London, managerial married you know you release your app. I was just like, oh, when you're reading it me included, and I've seen all facets of life, bloody hell you get that like, oh, this is cool, good for him, and it's just so brilliant that you then swipe and you see that second reel and you're like, viscerallyally, everything changed when I was reading that one no, and I'm absolutely.
Nick Edgar:I'm going to go on and explain that in a bit more detail in a second, but I just wanted to pause for a moment because when you reflected back to me some of those achievements that I missed out when I was recounting it myself, it was because I found it so hard to sit in the feelings of those achievements as the person that achieves them as even as I was sharing with you then, because when you were reflecting it back the things I actually wrote in that post I was like, yeah, I did do that and actually that's pretty effing amazing, do you know, and I was able to feel it, but I couldn't generate that for myself in the moment. I just wanted to notice and and share that as we were talking about, yeah, but yeah, look, the second version is um, yeah, there were many good things about my childhood, but there were three things in particular that I really struggled with, and the first was being brought up in the catholic faith. Because of the way that faith expressed itself, as I saw it and felt it as a young person, which was very much like I remember as a child, feeling really nervous and almost as if every moment of every day I was walking a tightrope, and that tightrope would either lead me to praise and um and feeling good about myself if my caregivers and I don't just mean my parents, you know, teachers in school, et cetera felt that what I was doing was worthy and useful and honourable, but often, for reasons that I couldn't quite understand, the opposite happens and my behaviour was deemed kind of too much or too cheeky or I need to behave, or and I really felt shamed for that. And when I, when I got curious and asked questions about it as a kid, I got completely shut down and very often punished. And back in the 70s and 80s, punishment often met being physically struck both at home and in school.
Nick Edgar:Back in those days I remember as a very young primary school kid being told off for accidentally breaking a plant pot and having to kneel in the headmistress's who was a nun office, with Bibles honestly holding them up as penance for breaking God, god's thumb or whatever. And I'm laughing about it. But actually I also want to take a moment just to check in with that little version of myself and let them know that it's okay because it's the strong feelings, but yeah, so, so that was a big thing, kind of that all or nothing. I'm either good or I'm bad, and I don't quite understand why necessarily I'm one or the other.
Nick Edgar:The second thing about the childhood that I really struggled with was my dad taught in the primary school that I was in, so there was an added layer to that where anything good I did was because my dad was the teacher at school. Yeah, what I also observed, even as a prepubescent boy, was that the dad I knew at school was really jovial and popular and charismatic and engaging, and at home not all the time, and there was. There was a lot of stuff there that was. It was great and I love him to bits, but there was a lot of anger and there was a lot of frustration and there was a lot of walking on eggshells around his mood and adjusting how I was to meet the needs, as I saw it, of however he was yeah so that had a big impact.
Nick Edgar:And then football football had a massive impact on me, but again it was very much about about you must be this and and this and you must be at your best all the time, and anything less than that. There was always that risk of rejection, and actually in football, I experienced rejection so many times, in so many different ways, that I chose to leave my dream of football at 19 because I had had enough. I was just done, absolutely done. I was rejected by Watford, having been there for three or four years, about six weeks before my GCSEs. So, while I was meant to be revising and working towards my GCSEs, I um, I was on trial at any club that would take me and I did get signed by Reading, which was great.
Nick Edgar:But then, unfortunately, into that experience, six weeks into that experience, having left home at 16 to move to a new town, I got injured, and I was injured for eight months. And I experienced during that period bullying and some quite physical rough treatment. Some of it was of a very personal nature um, at best I would call it hazing and at worst I'd call it a soul and I actually got relieved from my contract. I got sacked and then I had to come home tail between my legs and try and rebuild my life, and I think I was just burnt out from constantly performing in one way or another by the time I got to 19. Yeah, do you know what I mean?
Flic Taylor :that's what I'm hearing, that's what I'm here, you know, because obviously, um, I'm currently doing the inner you program, uh, with Josh, and you and Jess are both facilitating, and so I'm learning about this inner child stuff and I'm listening to you.
Flic Taylor :And so I'm learning about this inner child stuff and I'm listening to you, nick, and I'm just thinking, oh my God, like that little boy, you know, your dad is there, the headmaster. Now we, as a parent, I know like, and actually I've been in a situation where I've worked all day with children and come home to my own, and so I know how knackering that would have been your dad. It like just exhausting to just be, you know, there, and then come home and you just want to kind of, you know, be yourself, but it it came at a cost to your family, didn't it? And you would have read, like you would have learned from a very young age to read the situation, and I, you just think. And then that lovely little Nick went from there to football, and I know, when you think about his little nervous system, that hard wiring, wouldn't know the difference between a lost game and life or death, like that little nick had to carry. So much, didn't he?
Nick Edgar:I know when you say that it's only probably in the last two or three years that I can actually hold that myself and actually agree with you. Yeah, and that's because of a lot of the privilege that I did enjoy. It was almost like I had such a great childhood. How could any of the problems I went on to have as an adult be rooted in childhood? Does that make sense? I think there's a lot of people similar to me that almost wear. Duality can't exist. So in that example where you quite rightly said my dad, you can resonate with my dad being absolutely knackered and not being at his best as a dad because of all those pressures at school. So can I now I can. I can hold compassion for my father for doing the best that he could in all the roles he had to fulfill in his life. I can do that now as an adult and someone that's nearly 50 myself that's felt similar pressure as myself.
Flic Taylor :But what I've learned is that actually I can honor how that little me felt and really tune into that, and that's okay too yeah, and I think that's so important for people listening, because it's rare we come to that realisation ourselves without doing any work or without having anyone supporting us and, even better, someone professionally like yourself to hold the mirror and be like, because, when you said, like duality, it can exist. It's only the last couple of years that I've started to see this as well, because it's so innate within us to be you that black or white thinking. You know it's not easy, is it?
Nick Edgar:no, it's not easy at all and I'm still learning every day. You know it's important to say that as well, and that's okay. That's part of this process, and I think that's where why developing self-compassion can can kind of widen the net to allow us to become capable of emotionally holding all of these conflicting things at the same time. Yeah, that's really it is.
Flic Taylor :It is so that lovely little nit like he, you know, I'm just thinking of his little nervous system and, and he's, you know, you're getting all of these kind of messages and we mould and we shape ourselves, don't we? We do it. And so then you went to do teaching in Milan, and then you were headhunted.
Nick Edgar:Yeah, so that was after, like, and this was the thing, because when I released myself from the shackles and the pressure of football and went to university and had that experience, I had no idea who I was and I didn't know this at the time, but I had no self-worth, I had no intrinsic self-worth or sense of identity. So when I wasn't getting that from football anymore and I literally started to try and seek it in other ways, subconsciously, mostly through either sexual encounters, which is what I spent a lot of time at university doing, or numbing out from my emotional experiences and that lack of self-worth yeah and that could be, you know, drink drugs, whatever.
Nick Edgar:I experimented a lot with all of that stuff. So so, yes, it's true that I was able to to get a degree just about um. The Oxford part, by the way, is an absolute fluke, and it's what I say by that is it's a fluke because in the transition period between the old polytechnics being removed by Thatcher's government and everything becoming a university, my college, which up to that point had been a teacher training college, got swept into Oxford University for seven years. So for those seven years people that graduated got an Oxford degree, but I wouldn't say I really went to Oxford, if that makes sense. It's true, yeah, so this is what I mean. Duality, it's true, yes, but for me it isn't what people perceive when they hear you've got an Oxford degree, and I want to be honest about that as well yeah, but I'm listening to this and I'm like, oh my gosh, your life journey all makes sense when this unfolds like it.
Flic Taylor :It's almost like you were destined to be exactly where you are right now doing your work. Because I'm listening, I'm thinking, oh wow, like even that had a duality, everything did. Because we tend to think, don't we, like we look on the outside and, you know, we kind of say, oh my gosh, like he's done so well for himself and he had this experience and he's done it and you did a lot by a very young age yes but also that came at a cost to you and the fact that you were like.
Nick Edgar:You just didn't have that self-identity no, and it cost me in my 20s. That's the truth of it, you know. Yes, it's true that when I came back from Milan and was working in great first of all Greenwich and then Hammersmith, and got married and bought the first house by 24 and had my first managerial role by 25 all of that is true. It's also true that I was habitually smoking weed every day. I fell in love or what I thought was falling in love with somebody very quickly, who asked me to marry them and I said yes.
Nick Edgar:In less than three months we eloped yeah we didn't tell anyone and within three months of getting married she'd had an affair and the relationship started to get quite abusive. But I didn't know how to deal with that. Yeah, because I'm, because I'd already become a people pleaser from the experiences I'd had. I had no sense of self-worth. So I thought, well, I must deserve this. I just need to do better, all of that conditioning from childhood. If I do better, we'll stop arguing, I won't get hit, I won't get cheated on.
Nick Edgar:Do you know what I mean? It just started to play out. Um. So, so again, that duality which you've really astutely picked up on, I absolutely am glad I had all of these experiences sitting here talking to you today, because it makes me the coach that I am and able to be of service to others in a really authentic way and to understand people's own experiences in a way that not every person can. So I'm really grateful for that. But I also have to honor the pain that I felt and that those younger versions of me I've had to work on a personal level to to heal and continue to do so. Yeah so.
Nick Edgar:I had. My second real burnout was when that relationship eventually ended and I could, my nervous system could begin to relax. But, um, I may even have had like, yeah, definitely some kind of episode, because because when 9-11 happened, I was working in the travel industry and our clients were from America. We had three flights coming over that morning out of JFK and um, and we saw it happening on. For me, having gone through it was like it was like the event that just I just disassociated from everything and shut down right and I couldn't go to work and I couldn't. I just couldn't understand my place in the world or the world in general. Everything just fell apart and I I had such a mistrust at that stage at 26, of everyone and everything. I literally left my job and I sold my house and I walked into the bank and I took my money out in cash to try and feel safe.
Flic Taylor :Yeah.
Nick Edgar:And I had to. I thought at that moment that what I needed was to go get back onto football. I thought this is all, all of this horrible stuff's happened because I gave up football. I need to go back to football. But that wasn't the answer either. So I went back to my parents house and proceeded to spend all that money numbing out until it had almost gone, at which point something came out of nowhere inside me and just said I need help. And that was the first time I asked for help when I was 27. And I saw I saw a therapist for the first time at 27 yeah and the stories I'm telling you now.
Nick Edgar:I first began to speak my truth at that age. Yeah, and that had a profound impact yeah, yeah it.
Flic Taylor :It's interesting, isn't it? Because you know I'm listening to this, like you, I've done this. There's going to be anyone listening to this, let's face it, anyone. Human, nick, even when you're in those dark times and you know you kind of feel like you're flailing God, you're just trying your bloody best, like I'm listening, like I'm just thinking, like you would have seen, like the whole 9-11 thing, and then you had that instinct, that reaction to go right, and you were just trying your best, right, and I said I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna keep myself as safe as possible.
Flic Taylor :And I for those who are hard on themselves because people who burn out are usually quite hard on themselves but those who are just like, oh, I messed this up and this up and I've got to do better, if, if I'm, if I'm a better person, I'll that, I'll make this relationship work. I'm just listening. I'm like, oh god, we're all just bloody trying our best and we have to. I love how you constantly remind people you work with and people you know of the self-compassion piece. It's so necessary, it's vital, it's everything, isn't it?
Nick Edgar:it is absolutely everything flick for me. Yeah, it's the beacon that whenever I have moments which I do where I find myself completely off course, emotionally or circumstantially, whatever, whatever that means, in that moment, it's like a beacon that just allows me to come back to myself. Yeah, and that that isn't necessarily an easy journey, far from it. Very often, um, but it's like, it's like I don't know, it's a superpower, I really believe it, but it's one of the hardest things to cultivate, especially, I've learned as as men perfect.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, because you hold uh men'ss, don't you, and you do monthly, like you do, a couple things for men and it's so, so needed, nick, so needed for every age group, that's so needed.
Nick Edgar:It is.
Nick Edgar:It is and I think it's that self-worth.
Nick Edgar:When we get our self-worth from things outside of us, we run the risk of, when life kicks us in the parts we don't want to be kicked in which it will, often for reasons out of our control, what we tend to do is we go even harder and that is why we burn out.
Nick Edgar:Yeah, because we try and get control over something that actually we just can't ever get controlled over.
Nick Edgar:Yeah, and we can't ever satisfy that, that external validation, whereas actually if we, if we're brave enough and it does I believe it is a courageous act, if we're courageous enough to go inwards and to shine a light on everything that's there and to find the right people for you to help you do that, which is just as important, um, to find your people that will sit with you and hear what you have to say and how you feel, without it impacting them in a way where they're either going to try and fix you, offer solutions, tell you what someone over here has done or point you to this Instagram page.
Nick Edgar:All of that's well-meaning but actually, I found can be quite damaging, because when your self-worth isn't there, your inner critic when it hears those things and I hear this all the time all it's going to do is say see your shit, why didn't you think of that? It just doubles down on the pain you're already in, and that's why I think one of the most important things any of us can ever do is just to learn to actively listen and hold space any of us can ever do is just to learn to actively listen and hold space, exactly exactly because I, you know, how many times have you heard of guys kind of it.
Flic Taylor :It takes a lot, doesn't it, to to experience those feelings and not shut them out, not numb them out, that we've kind of, you know, developed these coping mechanisms for um, but how many times have you heard a guy say you know, I try talking to my partner or whatever, and and I, you know, as you say, it's courageous, it's been incredibly vulnerable, and then that partner just says, oh, yeah, I feel like that too, and I feel like this, this and this, or oh, you should do this now. I'm not criticizing them, but but, you know, is their thing, that's their story. But when we're just looking at that one person who has gone, oh, I'm struggling, I think I need some help and you naturally go to someone who's close to you in your circle and then you're that's the, that's what's reflected to you, you're so right, you go to the place of oh, bloody, I should have this sorted. I should like, yeah, you dismissed yourself I think you do.
Nick Edgar:But also there's something about struggle when we feel it and allow ourselves to feel it, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share that with another person.
Nick Edgar:Sometimes actually struggling is appropriate yeah and just acknowledging that we are struggling can provide relief when we're witnessed in that, that's, that's the gold. But but it's that. It's that I think wellness, mental health if that is more meaningful to you is often viewed through the lens of if. If I'm not good, then there's a problem that needs to be fixed. We never ask ourselves is it appropriate that I don't feel good right now? So if I'm at work and I'm under pressure and I'm working hard and I'm managing a team and they've got their problems and I'm holding that and I've got my own shit going on and there are targets and pressures, I think it's appropriate that I'm not going to be at my best and I think that should be normalized.
Flic Taylor :Should be normalized. Oh my God, it should be normalized. It's so true, it's so true, and it's that damn hustle culture again, isn't it?
Nick Edgar:I think so, and I think for me personally, I've come to believe that the hustle culture sits quite nicely alongside that getting validation from outside of ourselves yeah yeah, and don't don't get me wrong, I'm not against hard work at all, I'm not against striving, I'm not against ambition, I'm not against success and all of these other things that sit within that as well. Again, it's that duality, isn't it? Yeah, but but when we, when we put the standards, they're so high where anything less than perfection means failure, I don't see, I don't see how anybody, over any length of time, can live up to that.
Flic Taylor :I just don't in my experience and it's that they get caught in that burnout cycle, don't they? And you know, this is where I get people um dm me. I'm forever grateful for when people reach out, when they really feel connected to these interviews and podcasts, and and they reach out to me and and they, you know, they always kind of go. How many times did you burn out? Did you burn out more than once? And you know they're there going. Please tell me you did which? My answer is hell. Yeah, I did, because you have to go through. There's layers to it, isn't there, nick, when you're doing this work, you're learning to um peel back those layers of people pleasing and no boundaries and no self, no self-love. There's layers to it, isn't there, and this is what you brilliantly do with your work yeah, and you're absolutely right, because I've burnt out.
Nick Edgar:I've lost count the amount of times I've burnt out. If I'm totally honest and I'm okay with that, and I'm really glad to hear you say that too, because I think it can be especially on social media, there can be a kind of narrative of I was this, this thing happened, I did this and now I'm okay and you will be okay too if you do this, and I'm not saying that can't be true yeah but it's not what I see.
Nick Edgar:It's not the norm, I think. I think we we stumble and fail repeatedly, and if we can lean into that as not just not just normal, but necessary in order to grow and learn, each time you stumble and fail, suddenly it becomes so much more easier to deal with.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, Because you're not judging it.
Flic Taylor :The judging, and this is why it's important for people to work with coaches like you. Coaches like jess joss me, like people who are still walking alongside those trenches yes, I, I've grown, I'm a different person to what I was when I was in my doctor's office and they're like no, it's not a heart attack, but you got a bloody stop. I'm I've grown from there, but, yes, I'm still, I will always be doing the work, and I think those are the coaches I personally want to work with, want to help me. You know again, I'm not criticizing Well, I am, aren't I? But you know, when you're looking on social media and you know and not actually I don't know about you, but do you feel like a pressure to kind of be like oh, I've got to get my shit together, I've got to have everything like I want to? You know, because when you're a coach, you, you really want to just help people yes, you do their journey.
Flic Taylor :It's their journey. We can help guys, we can hold a mirror, we can do this, but we are not responsible for their journey, and that's another kind of that's another loop, isn't it?
Nick Edgar:yeah, go there, but yeah, it's made me think I, I hear you, I hear you completely and this is why it's so important because, again, when we, when we, when we look at this stuff and wellness in a finite way, in an obviously simplistic way, and you have that experience and it doesn't work for you long term, even if you get short-term results, there can be additional damage because of that, and I'm really passionate about that. So when I was reflecting and sharing with you on the first time, I asked for therapy and I went to person-centered therapy and I'm really passionate about that. So when I was reflecting and sharing with you on the first time, I asked for therapy and I went to person-centered therapy and it was really valuable. It allowed me to restore enough of myself to go out in the world again and to believe I was more authentic, which is why I went completely left field into music, which had been a passion of mine.
Nick Edgar:I never followed as a kid and I thought through lyric writing I can begin to be open and honest and vulnerable about my experiences and with who I was at that time. That's exactly what I did. Now, as I look back in the early 50s. Part of it's a little bit cringy and that's okay too, but I'm so proud of that person for really trying to step into his authenticity in the best way that he could. Yeah, so proud of him and I carry him with me every because of that. You know I do, yes, so so there's. So I agree there's layers to it and definitely what I've come to believe is that that everything is valuable, every experience is valuable, and even if we don't get what we want in terms of the outcomes, we pretty much always get what we need, but we may not see it at the time oh, blimey, that just might there.
Flic Taylor :Yes, absolutely, and and we know, don't we? It's painful. Painful when you're in it. I get it, like you know, and this is why you know, when we're misaligned in life, when we're dealing with emotional kind of oh trickiness mental treat, like we feel it in our bodies, we really do. So we're sat here.
Nick Edgar:We know the pain, we know it yeah, basically, and I think when you've like 10 years after that, when I was 37 and I was contemplating my own life because, even though therapy that particular kind of therapy gave me a lot of self-confidence and belief and that I was okay being who I was, I was still a people pleaser we didn't touch on that because I wasn't. The beauty of person-centered is that it's led by the person. I take that approach with my coaching. You know philosophy and how I treat everyone as individuals. I think it's really important. I want to make that really clear. But, at the same time, we only know what we know.
Nick Edgar:So the minute I was away from the therapist office, slowly I began to return back to all of the people pleasing conditioning that we've already spoken about on the podcast. So when I started making, when I got in another bad relationship, when I was burning out again at work, when I was emotionally exploding again, yeah, it was like, well, I really am a failure. Yeah, you know, like really really am a failure, and I'm forever grateful, actually, that I happen to be in an employment role then which, let which, let me take time off to sit with that and I knew I needed help. I just didn't know what help. Yeah, because when you ask for help for the first time, it's never as difficult again. Yeah, it's. It's horrendously difficult when you've never done it, but when you've done it and now I ask for help all the time Like I need it.
Flic Taylor :Which is amazing. Yeah, it is, it is. It's interesting and I don't know why. And we're going to talk about people-pleasing. Yes, it's a real brilliant nugget for you, but I don't know if anyone else, maybe someone, listening to this. But you know, when you, when you're a chronic people pleaser and you're very good because of your upbringing, because of the how life has shaped, molded you, I know, I've seen with friends it's it is possible to go and seek therapeutic help and actually stay in that role and just give the therapist what they need to know, what they like.
Nick Edgar:I know, and this, this was what. By the time I'd entered my 40s and redundancy hit me and I actually began, I saw a therapist for the first time, in a preventative way, a positive way. Do you know what I mean? It was like nothing's wrong. I'm actually quite happy that this has happened to me and I'm excited about what I do next, but I want this to support me through this transition. Whatever that might be, does that make sense? Yes, um, but nevertheless, what I realized quite quickly was I don't know, I was just, I felt disconnected from my story in that room that time because of everything you just said.
Nick Edgar:I knew, I knew what having a breakthrough was like. I knew the things that you would say and how you would feel and how they would feel and how to create that rapport. And there they became mechanical, so outwardly. I'd walk out of there like congratulating myself that they feel good, that we've had a great session, and just just be like well, that was pointless I know, I know, but you're just on on autopilot yeah, exactly go down the road of why am I such a dick, why, why, why am I self-sabotaging myself?
Flic Taylor :and how many people just get caught in the loop?
Nick Edgar:yeah, yes, and I think that's. But again, it's these stages of growth, isn't it like? At that point I could see the humor in my own experience? Like that, the fear wasn't there and the shame wasn't there in the same way it had been for so many years, because I'd begun to understand this about me. But then it was like I want to do something about this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life watching my life kind of unfold in a way that doesn't feel authentic, so that whatever experiences I end up having some of which could be great, because I did have all these great experiences leading up to that point, as well as all the shit but but I just felt that that, that disconnect between how I feel inside and no one ever really knowing that, and how I am connecting with other people in the world outside me that, but that lack of congruence I really wanted to just work with, and that that passion's never left me once, that that really took hold of me. And that's really what I'm all about.
Flic Taylor :If you work, if you work with me, I want you to develop the self-worth and confidence that how you feel in here is how you can be out there yeah, yeah, I love that, which reminds me, you know, I hear you say that and I'm like I can't help but think, nick, like when you were a little kid, it sounds like you were playful, you were joyful, you were up to some cheekiness and some fun and you, you were curious and you would explore things. So it makes sense, like the football and then going to the music, like there's an element of you that stayed aligned to you, but there's also an element that was molded and shaped to please others and I just it's interesting, isn't it? And I'm hearing, I guess I'm just processing this in real time. I'm hearing, I guess I'm just processing this in real time. Of course, you would be the amazing guy who really starts to shake up the idea of people pleasing and it being linked to okay, let's work on this, but then let's also look after this little inner child.
Nick Edgar:For me, that's everything, because and I do say this a lot, and that was that second reel I think you're talking about yeah, yeah, there's no, there's a lot of talk about people pleasing, because I believe it's it's so much more common than we might believe I really do. It's like everything else, there's a spectrum and we're kind of all on it, yeah, but. But if you are, especially if you're a chronic people, glaser, and you've been doing it for a long time and you've been doing it in all areas of your life, as I was yeah, a lot of the talk is about developing self-worth and a lot of the talk is about about starting to to be wary of and not gaining so much validation outside of yourself, gaining so much validation outside of yourself, and it is about understanding your values and what are my needs and and putting that into practice through talking about boundaries and then trying to maintain them and saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes. All of that stuff I am here for it's important. But if you're listening to this and you're thinking well, I might be a people piece there and you start going into action and making those changes straight away, I think there's a good chance. You're setting yourself up to fail and when you fail, it's a whole level of pain, yeah. But even if you don't fail, even if right from the minute you start to make the changes, you all this other stuff comes up.
Nick Edgar:Yeah. So you might, you might think, yeah, okay, I'm not gonna be pleased with my boss anymore. I'm gonna I'm gonna, you know, close my emails and I'm not gonna look at them when, when work finishes, I'm gonna make sure I have my lunch break. You're gonna set all these amazing intentions and and these are my needs and I deserve this, and all of that's true. And you feel that energy. It's really empowering. Yeah, you feel change is possible, you feel like it's going to be a brave new world out there for me, and that's amazing. And then you start to put it into place, into practice.
Nick Edgar:What way does it feel? Uncomfortable? I know it feels unclenchingly challenging because even if you set that boundary with your boss, say you know what? You know I'm, I'm not going to answer your email if you're someone at nine o'clock at night, is that okay? Even if they say, yes, that's okay, you walk away from that conversation going it's not okay, it's not okay, it's really not okay and you are terrified that now you're going to get sacked or you're going to like be thought less of, and it's like, oh my God, now I'm having to deal with all of these emotions and these feelings. How am I going to do that? Where's my empowerment gone? Where's my self-worth gone? Yeah, where's my empowerment gone? Where's my self-worth gone.
Nick Edgar:Yeah, and I've went through that, oh, in a way that you could never expect until you're in it. So how do you cope with that? Well, this, for me, is where that inner work comes in, and over the past two or three years especially, I've reconnected with, and continue to connect with, versions of me of all different ages, including earlier, earlier, adults. And the reason I do that is because when I now catch myself, either people pleasing which I still do sometimes, I catch myself or thinking like I want to. The first question I now ask myself is how old am I now, right now? How old am I right now? And sometimes I am three or four, and sometimes I'm 26, just picking two random ages, and actually that allows me to connect with that younger version of me and, just for a second, connect with the pain they felt by behaving in that way.
Nick Edgar:And more often than not now and, as I said, I'm still learning every day, but more often than not I can I can behave in a way which is going to serve me more than it doesn't, and that, for me, is healing. It's not an end point. It doesn't mean you never people-please again or think of people-pleasing again, but you can carry all of this experience with you and put your arms around them and be the leader of your own life and choices, because you have reconnected with them and you're not pushing them away and pretending they didn't happen or or thinking that, well, that's all done with. I'm now just me, here, in the age that I currently am doing, the things I'm doing, and that's it, of course, all those things, but you're also all these earlier versions of yourself that you carry with you.
Flic Taylor :I really believe that yeah, yeah, oh, nick, I mean again you, you say that and all I hear are these lovely, like it's just cloaked in in self-love and self-compassion and just you know, and slowing down enough to sit and look at all of this. Because, you know, when you're a people pleaser, let's face it you've been used to operating at such a pace where you don't even see your own needs. You're just like, okay, now I'm going to do this and okay, so, okay, fine, of course I'll answer this email at nine o'clock and if I ask okay to do it at eight, maybe I'll do it at 10, just to prove I'm really great. But you're moving at such a fast bloody pace, aren't you? And and you know I hold my hand up to that but even just listening to you share that, I'm like, oh, like, it's a different energy, I guess yeah, it is Paul Gilbert who wrote a great book called the Compassionate Mind.
Nick Edgar:Talks about three emotional systems that we have. Okay, we have a drive system, which is when it's working as we want it to. That is our ambition, that is our motivation, that is what gets us out of bed in the morning and makes us want to achieve and make our lives better for ourselves.
Nick Edgar:We have a threat system, which is the kind of fight flight, freeze, fawn, flop response yeah which is sometimes when real things are happening outside of us that cause us to to get into that response. But sometimes we create it for ourselves because what we perceive and that's what people pleasers do they perceive there to be threats, yeah, but there's also our grounding, soothing, affiliative system. Now, for me as a people pleaser, and I think to a certain extent generally in the modern western world, we focus on drive and all of that good stuff. That's kind of how we're set up to operate as a society and individually within a society and collectively as well in the workplace. But we we feel those threats and what we tend to do is take actions to go back into the drive and then we feel threats and then we go into drive and then we go threats and then we're going to drive now over a period of time. If that's all we're doing and we're not engaging with our soothing system, we're not finding relaxation, we're not finding that rest and digest. All of that good stuff in that drive system suddenly becomes pressure, targets having to be perfect, all of that kind of counterintuitive stuff. And that's where. That's where the road to burnout is for me and that's why, regardless of what's happening outside of us, if we can tune into and learn to tune into what's what's going on within us and learn to love and accept it, even if it's really difficult and shitty and horrible to experience. If we can learn to to do that, we can actually find a bit more relaxation within our nervous system, which can then allow us to tackle all of this pressurized stuff in a way that's much more aligned with that, the reason why we started doing it in the first place, that ambition, that that drive, that motivation.
Nick Edgar:So for me that's a really simplistic model to think. Am I going to here and here and here and here? And, by the way as well? Just one brief thing, because I'm really passionate about this. Sometimes we think we're relaxing, but actually we're not. We're threat, drive, threat, drive, threat, drive. I watched Baby Reindeer the other day I haven't seen it yet, okay. Okay, I won't say anything about it and there's other tv shows I watch which I love and I think I'm relaxing, but I'm not. My nervous system is between threat and drive, threat and drive, threat and drive oh, that's such a good point to make, yes, so maybe gaming.
Nick Edgar:Oh my god, that's such a good point to make.
Flic Taylor :Yes, so gaming, oh my god, that's such a good point to make. Yeah, yes, and it's recognizing, it's going to that point of you know this situation. Am I reacting to it or responding to it? The responding part of us is that higher self, isn't it? And it's that realizing that. Yeah, two hours gaming or two hours watching, you know, or listening two hours listen to a murder podcast, is that relaxing you? Yeah, I know, get caught up, almost addicted yes, absolutely.
Nick Edgar:Again, when you've been at people, please, or you're in that cycle, you do get addicted to it. Yeah, in some ways you know, even if that word doesn't resonate with you like the repeating of those patterns yeah, for me it's the same as it's the same as if you, if you have a workplace that you go to and you drive there every day, you know the first day you drive there you're gonna have to sat nav on. You're not sure where to go.
Nick Edgar:You're really vigilant after you've been there five years you don't even remember the journey there, and for me this is exactly the same. We're really clever, adaptable beings, who really are, and when that works for us, it's amazing. But it can be counterintuitive and that's why self-awareness is everything now. If, if, you can put in hand with self-awareness, self-compassion, and understand that we're all going to fall into these old patterns from time to time and it's okay, and the idea of kind of coaching or therapy or any kind of wellness practice isn't to get rid of these things forever. The minute, the minute you spring clean and deep clean your house, it starts to collect dust. The minute you finish, the minute, wellness is the same, you know it's so true.
Nick Edgar:We have, yes, oh, my god, nick, this is such, this is such a good conversation I appreciate you, but just but by the way, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, well, man, this, this guy sounds like he's got it nailed. Let me just tell you what happened after I binged the other night, baby reindeer, I was shaking in bed like my body was shaking literally of tension, and even though I'd I had genuinely got so much out of watching it on so many levels and I was absorbed and engaged and I was blown away by it afterwards there's no way I'm going to get to sleep. Yeah, straight away. And and just bless us.
Nick Edgar:It's not like, do you need a hug? I'm like, no, I don't know. Just like, absolutely shot to pieces. Yeah, yeah, but then, but so it's not that I don't, do you know? I mean, I have these experiences still. I really want to be clear about that, but. But I think being able to talk about them and laugh, but then, but so it's not that I don't do you know what? I mean, I have these experiences still. I really want to be clear about that, but I think being able to talk about them and laugh about them and normalise them is is that's the gold, because then, that critical voice, that judgment, that bit where you feel shame. That bit ceases to exist or certainly certainly just loses its power.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, and, as a coach, you know that I would want to be coached by you because there's that connection, there's that, it's real, this is. I still do it. It's not that because a lot of burnt out people need to step away from that perfectionist, those perfectionist tendencies and that kind of maybe they've become used to having an authoritative figure with an authoritative voice being like you need to do this, this and this, which we're like okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do that.
Nick Edgar:It's so refreshing and so wholesome and amazing to be able to connect to someone like you, who's like oh my God, baby reindeer left me shaking in bed 11 o'clock at night because it's real yes, that's it, that's it right there, it's real yeah and I think, I think there's nothing that lights us up more as human beings when we're being real and when we get the privilege of connecting with other people that are also being real.
Flic Taylor :There's such power in that yes, because you feel it in your body when you're connecting with someone that you're like oh, they're just being themselves, they're just being real, like it's so yeah honestly.
Nick Edgar:So the work I do outside of my private coaching, one-to-one, like if I'm going into a business and I'm working with a team or any organisation. This is the stuff I talk about and get them to reflect on and try and create an environment where they can be vulnerable enough to start to share some of this stuff with each other. And when they do that, the bonds that they form of trust and and care and understanding about how they show up in at different times of the day when different pressures are on. It's it's still professional, but it's real. But it's real, yeah, it's real, yeah, and I haven't yeah, it's.
Flic Taylor :I guess it's championing people being real and it's encouraging them to try to think of a better word than control. It's encouraging people to take ownership. I don't know, you both think of a better word, like of their like of their life. Because you know I'm sat here, like I've had many times, nick, where at work, you know that whole people, please inside of me, that wanting to do that ambitious part over achieving, or the burnt out people, like sticking their hands up left, right and center to all of those, um, you, just, you're so used to abandoning yourself you don't even think to consider yourself or your needs. And it's, it's when we're real, it's reminding us that, oh, you've got needs.
Nick Edgar:Yes, look after you, but when you're in a culture where that isn't recognized, oh, it's tough, it's really tough yeah and I think that's why championing yourself and learning how to do that in a way that's meaningful to you will probably give you a better chance of spending more time in environments which you're going to allow those beautiful traits of whoever you actually intrinsically are to come to the surface and be valued. And I think, very often in more toxic environments, or even if they're not toxic and they're just environments which just don't suit you, yeah, we make it about something lacking with us instead of even thinking well, maybe this just isn't right for me yeah, yes, oh my god, yes, yes, yes, because the minute you're more rooted within yourself, it gets a lot easier, doesn't it to sense?
Flic Taylor :you don't even have to like intellectualize and rationalize this cognitively, you can just sense your whole body feels better. If you're going for an interview for a job and you're like I know I really hope I get it. I know and you, you know you're in that position of your striving, you're trying to impress people, whereas if you go and you left an interview, you're like I really like them. I think you're trying to impress people, whereas if you go and you left an interview, you're like I really like them. I think they're to work with. That's the one you need to be going for. But I, hands on my heart, admit I have definitely known I shouldn't go and work in those places. But part of me which, let's face, it's probably the end of you, isn't it? He's going. I'm gonna prove them wrong. I'm gonna prove them that I'm great. I'm gonna prove to them that I know my stuff. I'm gonna oh, my god, no wonder I burnt out.
Nick Edgar:I know, and there's something, when you said that there, what I, what I felt was almost like a dot dot, dot, dot dot, and then I will be worthy oh, yes, do you know what I mean yes, and it loops back to when you're looking for validation outside of yourself absolutely, absolutely.
Nick Edgar:Whereas actually, if you can go into that thing, well I'm worthy, regardless of whether this environment's right for me, whether these people like me or not, all of that stuff yeah whatever happens to you, you're going to be more in touch with what you next need to do.
Nick Edgar:That's the point, whether you, whether you decide to stay and work in that environment or not and, by the way, this is the gold of being a people pleaser for so long you don't lose that hypervigilance. You don't lose that ability to read people. You don't lose all those soft skills. Yep, they become a superpower. It's how, it's how you choose to behave. That's, that's where the work is, but then that's where the superpower can really take effect, and I think that, oh yeah, you know.
Flic Taylor :I love that you say that, nick. I love that you say that because, um, I had, I've, like, I'm high energy, like I'm kind of, you know, and I've always been this way. Um, and when you live in a different country where the culture is different, you realize how different you are. Interesting, interestingly, I had a friend and she meant it Listen, she meant that full of love, right, but I hadn't seen her for a while. So obviously I'm like all excited. We start talking and we're talking about where can people please, and whatever. And she said, yeah, people pleasing, like flick, like you're always happy, and up here you gotta, you gotta change that right so instantly. I know she's just meanness from love, but I went, oh, it was a sting for me. And it was a sting because it reminded me of when I was a kid and I was always told to like you're too much, calm down, yeah, yeah yeah.
Flic Taylor :And so I love how, and I'm thinking actually I've done a lot of work on people pleasing. This is just me who champions people doing well. Like nothing lights me up more than seeing someone do well and I'm not going to apologize for it, I just get really happy. Seeing good people do well makes my day. So an element of me is like okay, well, that's her story, I don't need to and I've got my story. But it did make me think and I thought, oh wow, that there's still that part of me that doesn't feel seen for who I am, and when we're not seen for who we are, it can put us back in that threat response, can't it?
Nick Edgar:yeah, exactly, exactly. We're back as that little earlier version of ourself that you so beautifully said. It's and and that is normal, that's the thing. It's normal that that happens. Yeah, it's what happens next within us and what we choose to do outside of us. That's, that's the whole ball game.
Flic Taylor :Yeah and so these soft skills, we take them with us and they become our superpowers I love that. I love that because, again, you know your whole story, your whole life's journey. I'm listening to it and I'm like, oh my god, nick, it's because you were meant to be here right now doing this work, changing lives.
Nick Edgar:I know. And look, I think I genuinely mean it when I say that I turned 50 later this year and I genuinely feel that in so many ways, my life is just beginning. I really do, and that's not in any way, but it would. That wouldn't be happening without everything that I've been through. This is already the most meaningful thing that I've ever done in my life and will continue to be for the rest of my life, and I think I always dreamed that I would find a purpose, whatever it is. I thought it was football when I was very young. Yeah, you know, but this is this is it, and I wouldn't be able to do this if I hadn't had all of those experiences, and I think that's. It's the same for anybody that's doing anything aligned and solid.
Flic Taylor :I believe it yeah, it's interesting, I've got um a 17 year old and another one who's gonna be 15 soon, so you know, interesting raising teenage boys and, um, you know, my eldest is like you know, what am I gonna do?
Flic Taylor :like, what am I gonna do in my life? And I'm like I so know what you're gonna be doing, but I'm not gonna put my expectations on him right. So I'm like, like darling, you're gonna have many careers in your life. The teacher who's standing there saying pick one, pick one. I don't want you to listen to that one anymore. I want you to follow your gut because you know we will have many careers in our lives. And I'm okay.
Flic Taylor :Like you had your football experience. You know you did this, you did this, you did your music. I'm thinking of you when you were a kid and I'm like you were just being you, nick, like you have this creative side in you and you and all, all of those you know, because you know when you're playing football, you're you're reading people, you're reading like it and like seconds. Like it's insane how you have to react very, very quickly. People don't appreciate this and you're managing a nervous system on that without even thinking about it. That, yes, all of those skills, yes, there was. I love how you say the duality. Yeah, there was the shadow side of it. But, oh my God, look at this gold and look where you are today.
Nick Edgar:It's bloody amazing, it is. It is and I can sit in the fact that I'm proud of myself and that feels good to say and actually feel it. And all those little earlier, younger versions of me right from the little boys all the way through to me 10 years ago you know I can talk to them and I have that is part of the work I do on myself, part of the power of holistic practices like breath work and somatic practices. Allow me to connect with my body and to feel the things that I've struggled to feel for all these years and to reconnect with those versions of me and to be able to say to them look where I am now, look where we are now. I know and you're welcome here, come here. You don't have to stay where you are. Yes, you don't have to stay in all of that challenge and pain and feeling not good enough. You don't have to do that. You can come with me, part of who I am now, because I need you and the self-compassion is so different to toxic positivity, isn't it?
Flic Taylor :it it's just that, you know it's, it's just, and that's when we get to that point and that's when we get to have self-validation. We don't look for it from other people and it's so liberate. You have no idea. Until you stand in that square you're like this feels good it's true.
Nick Edgar:It's true, and, and, and it continues to grow. That's the thing, because the more people we meet, the bigger us. Because you do we lose people along the way as well when we make these changes. It's important to say that, yes, I've lost a lot of people, um, but but I do think that that kind of you know, even connecting with you here today, I feel like I know you better as a person. Yeah, you know, this is a podcast, but it's also two people getting to know each other yeah, yeah do you know what I mean?
Nick Edgar:and I think that's massive. And the more we do that and the more spaces we go into where that's welcomed and we encourage others to do the same like that's, that's incredible.
Flic Taylor :I love it yeah, oh my god, I feel like that's the perfect place to land on this incredible interview. I feel like I could talk to you all day thank you.
Nick Edgar:Thank you for inviting me again. I've really, really enjoyed getting to know you and having this chat.
Flic Taylor :Like it's been amazing well, I just it's the sort of thing I say, you know, to all my guests like we will never know the person this really impacts, like when I put these out, it's interesting, some people pitch me and they're like what are your numbers? And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, I'm not about that. I'm only going to interview people. I like and uh, I ain't about numbers, because I really do believe this conversation is going to go out there. We won't know the person it really impacts, but it's going to impact them. It's going to impact their partner, their kids, their co. Like the ripple effect becomes huge, doesn't it?
Nick Edgar:yeah, it does, and again I think that's letting go of any expectation of outcome is part of everything we've spoken about, and just trusting yeah. Just trusting it's going to go where it needs to go.
Flic Taylor :Yes, amazing. Oh my God, nick, thank you for this. This has been amazing. It really has. Thank you, you're so calming as well, I feel like, really relaxed. So at the end of conversations've been asking guests like fire, light-hearted questions, because we all answer differently, don't we? So I'm just being like on your dodgy tough days, do you opt for move your body or move the remote?
Nick Edgar:Probably move my body to pick up the remote.
Flic Taylor :I love it, done Okay. Bag of almonds or bag of Maltesers.
Nick Edgar:Maltesers all day long.
Flic Taylor :I love Maltesers Like, oh, nothing Like a pint of tea, not even a cup of tea. A pint of tea, maltesers kind of tea um yeah, ask for help or happy to hermit I'd say ask for help that's brilliant, I would say ask for help that's my aim, that's my like, my goal to get, but like for it to become like, innate within me, just natural. And then, uh, what's the one self-compassionate thing you're going to do today that your future self will thank you for?
Nick Edgar:I am going to check in with this guy oh, look at him.
Nick Edgar:He's reading his like football report on your instagram and I was just like, oh, little boy no, yeah, just check in with them and ask how they've had this experience and what their week's been like. I think that I've been doing that for a while now, um, in between the end of the working week and and the weekend. Yeah, yeah, just checking in like, is there anything you, anyone, any of you want to say, or and just try and allow them to come to the surface and just express themselves. It's something I've learned from some IFS therapy that I've had. Yeah, but yeah, it's great stuff. So that's what I'll be doing, which my future self will definitely thank me for.
Flic Taylor :Yeah, oh, my God, that's amazing. I'll put in the show notes um where people can find you because you you run men's retreats. You do monthly circles, don't you? For men like you do a lot of amazing work. Um, and obviously follow you on Instagram because I love your Instagram post. They're just so real. I love that, nick thank you so much for this conversation.
Nick Edgar:This has been amazing, thank you yeah, thank you for inviting me on. Like genuinely, it's been like an amazing way to end the week. It really has. I'm just going to take the best energy into the weekend. So thank you so much oh, you're welcome.
Flic Taylor :It feels like such a wholesome place to land on. I'm like all good, we're all good guys, we're all good, we're just doing it absolutely.
Nick Edgar:I'm off to get some more teasers done and dusted, perfect.
Flic Taylor :Thanks, nick, you take care you too. Thanks, flick thank you so much for listening to this episode of Everyday Burnout Conversations. Take a peek at the show notes for any links to items discussed today. And if you want to continue the burnout conversation, you can find me on social media at FlickTaylorWrites, or you can head to my website, flicktaylorcom, if you're curious and want to learn more on what it's like to work with me one-to-one. So in the meantime, rest up, don't forget to take good care of you and bye for now, thank you.